Two Steps Forward, One Step Back. Two Steps Forward…………….

I’ve become addicted to this blog and I find that writing down my thoughts therapeutic, a therapy I need.  I still need this time to clear some things up in my feeble mind.

Too often my inner thoughts find their way to the outside world.

Regular readers of this goofy blog know that I’m emotionally unstable and that I spend too much effort fighting personal demons.  I’m most likely not much different than an awful lot of other people.  So, what’s so special about my issues?  Well, they’re mine, and this is my blog.  They’re also a large part of my everyday experience as a chef.  Especially right now.

With the horse track about to open, the reservations pouring in, my scheduled biopsy (August 15th), Theresa’s move, and my inability to curb my nightly alcohol intake (which diminishes the effects of Lexapro), I’m overloaded with anxiety, melancholy, and a feeling at times that I’ve made almost no progress.

I know that’s not true, but I’m crazy so It doesn’t always matter what I know.

Low level socialites.

I don’t like waiting

Although not nearly as much, I sometimes let my frustration with people and/or situations get the best of me.  I’m aware, and I’m working on it.

Why is it so essential that people smile when having their picture taken?

I’m starting something new.  Unavailable Monday.  It’s my day off and I will leave my phone off, and inaccessible during the day when I plan on doing fun things with my kids.  I owe them.  Last summer I spent a lot of time wallowing on the couch.  Yesterday I took the kids to Great Escape/Splash Water Kingdom for the day and left the phone in the trunk.  I worried but felt a sense of freedom. It was nice.  Everyone will just have to get along without me.

If you don’t do the work you won’t get the necessary results.

I’ve already started working on a fall menu.  It’s always nice when your sous chef has constructive input.  It’s not always the case.  My current sous chef, Xavier is possibly the most talented I’ve had.  One difference is that he chose the profession, it didn’t choose him.

A lot of us cooks are in the business because it’s all we know, so we get to the point in our lives when we couldn’t make a comparable salary starting something new.  Xav went to college for something else but decided on the kitchen life anyway.

I went to college for cross country and track.

Have I mentioned that Adventure in Food has the best customer service of all my vendors?  Earth and Sea is also excellent.

The harder you work the luckier you become.

Y’ever notice at the grocery store that the person in line behind you at the checkout cannot wait to get their stuff up on the conveyer belt.

Not everything can be a top priority.

While my anxiety level has been through the roof lately I feel good about where I am.  I have a full day of sobriety under my belt am confident I can stretch that out.  If I can’t I take the necessary steps to do so.

Last summer was horrible, and I don’t want to go back there.  I’m going to enjoy my wife and children, I’m going to applaud Theresa’s new freedom and happiness, and I’m going to put my heart into the kitchen and make every dining experience at The Wine Bar as good as I can make it.  I can tough it out, and then we’ll move forward.

My life is a common chef’s life.  My goal is to make it better for me, my family, and for other chefs and cooks.

 

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2 thoughts on “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back. Two Steps Forward…………….

  1. Please don’t think of us as just regular readers of your goofy blog…well to some
    degree, but we are so much more! Perhaps you could think of us as family!? Twisted,
    demented, and quite possibly enabling…but, family just the same. Your very own dysfunctional interweb family !? Best always Chef.

    Liked by 1 person

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